I decided I should probably ask for prayer on this before my heart gets any messier than it is. God has been triggering me on purpose… I sense He’s trying to peel back layers to something I don’t realize is there likely for the purpose of healing. But in the midst of it I am frustrated, emotional, etc.
Recently two people in ministry who made agreements with me both did not hold up their side of our arrangements. With one, they simply stopped responding. With the other, they accused me of being impatient and pressuring them – the accusation was completely unfounded. In both cases, I had been quick to hold up my end of the agreements and then had been patiently waiting for them to hold up theirs. Though I’ve chosen to forgive them and release both of them of what they had agreed to (per God’s prompting), it’s left me feeling betrayed and hurt… and other things I can’t quite place. The one who accused me I’m having to forgive her over and over each day because it hurt so badly at the injustice of her accusation.
Part of what is befuddling me is that I know God is sovereign. And while He would never cause a believer to go back on their word, He is not shocked that they have and has allowed it to happen to me. I sense He has a purpose in it – especially since it happened not once, but twice.
Couple this with the fiasco I’m dealing with over the Dyed4you Ministries PayPal account where they’re making barely veiled insinuations about me essentially being a con artist trying to take money – and I am truly triggered.
I know He’s trying to get at something in my heart for His good purpose, but right now it hurts and I am frustrated and hurt… and probably a little angry. Couple this with it having been kind of a strange holiday season from a sales perspective and it makes me feel rather abandoned by Him. Which I realize is hogwash, but I’m in that place… you all know what I mean.
All this to say – I couldn’t sleep because my heart is hurting so badly… so I thought it would be best to ask for prayer. Thank you all so much – I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate you. All your scarves went out yesterday – you should all get them this week. Bless you!
Praying. Hear 4 things:
1) “Stand”
2) “It is will happen more”
3) Psalms 109:4 “They repay my love with accusations, but I continue to pray”
4) Matthew 5:11 “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you and say all kinds of evil things about you falsely on account of me”
Righteous Father, thank You that in her distress she cried out to the LORD. The LORD answered her and put her in a wide open place (Psalms 118:5). For the wounds, we apply the Blood of Jesus and in Jesus’
name, command the twisting of the knives to break off of her now.
Thank You, LORD of Hosts, that You give her strategy of how to stand and trust in You. Forgiveness flows. Grace, mercy, and perfect love; gushing over you, beloved sister.
Meghan, I sense this is preparation for what is coming. Breaking out of behavioral molds that cause a weary affect and blurry vision. I “hear” words pelting off of you; hold onto nothing the LORD is not using for strategy and instruction. The enemy will dip the tip of the spear in citrus and salt and try to seal each wound with acidic bitterness.
Ploy. Resist any attempt to wallow or fly off the handle–trust the LORD to show you His way. No more pseudo-tantrums and “cry baby” (see Moses) responses because there will be more accusations and you have to let Father God handle this through you. When Moses was at the Red Sea, He cried out to God and God basically told him to stop being a cry baby and do what he told him to do.
These are the early pains in pregnancy–preparing you for birth and caring for new life (Dyed4you Ministries). Take courage and be strong in Him; where you are weak, He is strong.
How much Jesus loves you. He called you and this is His ministry. Of course all kinds of people will not understand, accuse, and hate. Look to Him; ensure the eyes of your heart are focused on Him. He knows what He is doing.
Dear Meghan,
My heart begin to hurt just reading your email. It is hard when something like this takes place in our lifes. I will keep you and your ministry in my prayers. I pray that God feels your heart with Peace and Joy. Lord i pray that you hold Meghan in the palm of your hand, speak to her heart. Give her wisdom and understand in this time that she is in. We give you all the Praise and Honor. In Jesus Name, Amen
Love ya!!!
Meghan,
My heart hurts for you and I am praying for you. I am at work so I will post more later as I hear anything…. I love you and you are a blessing to so many! Hold on tight to the One who loves you…..He will never let go of you!
Christine
As I read this it just took my breath away as I’m having similar feelings. I woke with your face in my mind so I was expecting a posting. Situations are not the same but the same hurt is being brought up for me to revisit. First, you are right in that God is refining us because He is moving quickly and He isn’t ” picking” on us to be mean! lol We have to remember this cause the enemy is constantly telling us otherwise.
I don’t find it a coincidence that ths was todays devotion!
The second thing seems to be a common struggle for many right now and that is our provision. My expectations this time of year have been challenged as well.
Saturday night a word that came forth that may give something to hold on to and it was this (may not be exactly worded). “Do not allow the evil eye of mammon to come in. God always has a provision. “say I’m just beginning to multiply!” My provision will not run out -the oil will not cease. The light will not go out! If you will endure- ignor the enemy till the 20th -my provision is on the way. You can’t help but rejoice! Destruction will not come but the mercy of the Lord is upon me! Say “I will have hinds feet, I will go to the high places. I might have lost my footing all year but I’m going to have hinds feet and make it to the top!. The finger of God is coming down on my enemies.
I am in agreement with Tami and add that your eyes be opened to the strategies of the enemy. I pray that your heart be teflon to the attacks of the enemy and velcro to the correction of the Lord and the knowledge of His grace and mercy be on you.
So much is stirring within me for this but all I can put words to right now is Psalm 37:6 “He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your justice as the noonday.” And as I read through Psalm 37, all the verses about the righteous and the man who trusts in the Lord are for you.
Also, Eph 6:12 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Protect your heart from offense by remembering this. They are usually totally unaware of it, but unfortunately and sadly, Satan can and does use/influence believers to participate in his plans of “stealing, killing, and destroying”. John 10:10 “But I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly”. So God will bring about good and teach you what you need to learn, gently and lovingly.
Fight the right enemy. Rest in His goodness. And believe in His deliverance. “My defense is of God, which saveth the upright in heart.” Psalms 7:10 And 2 Ch 16:9 “For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.” He sees your heart and He will show Himself strong on your behalf.
I agree with all my other sisters who had such great words of encouragement!!!! I am so blessed to be included with such great women of God!
I too feel this is part of our ascending…I know I am being challenged right now too and I am doing my best to push through it with His strength and not in mine.
I kept hearing different portions of Psalms as I prayed today for Meghan. I realized tonight they were from Ps 62. Here it is in NLT:
Psalm 62
1 I wait quietly before God,
for my victory comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will never be shaken.
3 So many enemies against one man—
all of them trying to kill me.
To them I’m just a broken-down wall
or a tottering fence.
4 They plan to topple me from my high position.
They delight in telling lies about me.
They praise me to my face
but curse me in their hearts.
Interlude
5 Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
7 My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
8 O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge.
Interlude
9 Common people are as worthless as a puff of wind,
and the powerful are not what they appear to be.
If you weigh them on the scales,
together they are lighter than a breath of air.
10 Don’t make your living by extortion
or put your hope in stealing.
And if your wealth increases,
don’t make it the center of your life.
11 God has spoken plainly,
and I have heard it many times:
Power, O God, belongs to you;
12 unfailing love, O Lord, is yours.
Surely you repay all people
according to what they have done.
Lord, I pray that you strengthen Meghan and make her unshakable in You. Thank you that we can trust in you at ALL times and we can pour out our hearts to you because you care for us and you want us to be intimate with you. Thank you that Meghan can rest in your peace, rest in your embrace and just lean back, resting against your chest where she can hear your heart for her. Lord, be Meghan’s rock, fortress, refuge and source of wholeness as you promised to be. Thank you for your unfailing love. You are such an awesome God! We are so humbled to be your children. In Jesus’ name! Amen.
Where two or three are gathered in my name I am also their in their midst. This is a season of shaking and refining and seperating the wheat from the shaft. God sees your pure heart and will not let the righteous be forsaken. He goes before you preparing the way annd holds you in the palm of his hand. I pray for healing and rest and peace. Lord help Meghan know the plans you have for her to prosper and give her a hope and a future. Take her to a place in you that is deeper and farther than she has ever known. Let not your heart be troubled my love abides in you and surrounds you. I cried to the Lord and he heard my cry from his holy hill He lifted me up from the miry clay and set my feet upon solid ground. Lord grant her restful sleep and the peace that passes all understanding.