Since it’s been a week and since my last update was pretty raw, I figured an update was in order. My apologies because I meant to do this a few days ago, but have been holed up (not in a bad way).
I finally met the Lord head on and quit avoiding Him with what He was digging at, so it’s been a productive week (the blog I just posted attests to that). The Lord told me to go back and read all my journals, in order. There’s 19 handwritten journals starting in 1987 going up through 2007ish. In 2004ish I started doing some journaling electronically so I’m coming back to those (I have about 1000 electronic entries, so it’s no small task). I also have a 300+ page book I compiled of journal entries/words spanning the bulk of my marriage testimony.
I’ve read 18 of the handwritten ones and am praying over where to head next. Frankly, I covet your prayers because this is me diving into the really messy parts of my marriage. I trust God’s leading me here for healing (and if I’m ever going to write the book I’m going to HAVE to go back to this), but so many of these wounds still feel pretty raw – in particular words that were spoken that reinforced previous wounds.
Additionally please cover Allen in prayer because he’s been a champ in helping me process through many of the things that I’d found up to this point, but that stuff wasn’t stuff HE had done. The things he said and did still hurt for him to hear because now he’s in such a different place and also because he knows only too well he’s watching me deal with wounds that he help inflict, which is hard. But I KNOW God has a plan in this.
Truly there’s been some eye-opening moments. In addition to the worshiper call epiphany, I found detailed accounts during seasons I’d struggled with bulimia, details of intense emotional abuse, the impact of getting saved and not being someplace that challenged me on to sanctification… so many points to minister from, so many places He allowed me to cry over in intercession now, both for me and others involved. I’ve also made phone call and written letters to extend apologies where needed (to my parents for starters!). It’s really been an extraordinary and beautiful experience. I’m trusting He has the rest in hand.
Love and blessings to you all – I need to get back in bed! Praying for each of you – blessings, wholeness, protection, provision, and that your hearts would be able to fully receive the love of the Father 🙂
So glad to hear that your time has been fruitful and I trust the rest will be the same. Last night, Holy Spirit had me covering yours and Allen’s emotions and I will continue to do so. This month is the time of the narrow place – going through the eye of the needle or dire straights. I love the imagery of the camel being unpacked of burdensome baggage and crawling through the narrow door on his knees. I’ve heard the call to revisit all my words from the Lord and let go of the unproductive.
Holy Spirit I ask you continue to hover over Meghan and Allen through this process. I speak healing into the past wounds and ask you open understanding, give wisdom and give them proper perspective as they sort through the past. I ask that you take the sting out of the harder parts and remove the pain. I say that shame over past actions can take no foot hold in either of them. I speak to any lingering spirit of trauma that would remain and say leave now in Jesus’ name. I plead the blood over Meghan and Allen’s marriage and ask that their covenant be blessed and strengthened. Amen
You have been on my heart alot lately, I am so glad to hear you are doing better. I pray that the Lord gives you and Allen strength and understanding in this time he has you. I ask that he brings you to the area that needs healing. Lord I pray for a covering of protection for Meghan and Allen, draw them closer to you. Shower them with blessings! In Jesus name Amen
Meghan, just listened to a conference from Bethal in Redding and it was about our Hearts. I had listened to it once, but I got so much more out of it the second time.
Our God is so BIG!!! He can handle anything!!!!!
♥ you Dear Meghan
I’m here. I’m going nowhere. We are one. I love you!
Oops!…I’m logged in as you again…Your Husband, Allen
Smiling:) Father, may Your blessing be upon this blessed couple who truly and dearly love You and each other. Blend the colors of red (Meghan) and blue (Allen) to make a beautiful color of purple (AM). Your ways, Father, are so beyond our ways and comprehension. Unity, royalty, and precision–this beloved couple is in Your hands: Perfect Craftsman. Thank You for using every part of their lives and sending all the junk to the recycle plant to be sorted, cleaned, melted and made into something new and usable and refillable Sensing: that you are doing your part, sister, and Abba is doing His. Everything is made beautiful in it’s time.
Hearing Him say: “Keep going. Give it to me after you see and ponder. Behold, I make all things new. Prepare, brace yourself to be awed by My power and splender. Put on your shades because the fireworks are soon going to be lit. I am PROUD of you and your submission and obedience to Me. I see you and see lovely. I see Allen and I see holiness. I see you both and I am well pleased at what I sanctioned and drew together.” Amen.
Thank You, Yeshua. Meghan–I was sensing more but trust that He will release more at another time:) What feels abrupt to me is His way of teaching me not to close things my way:) Yes, Sir!
Dearest Meghan,
I stand in agreement with all that has been written here. As I was reading, I heard many of the same things. May Yahweh cover you and Allen and protect you as you go through this healing process. I Love Allens’ proclamation “I’m here. I’m going nowhere. We are one. I love you!” It shows his heart and his love for you!
Blessing and strength to you both!
Love in Yahshua,
Elaine
“I’m here. I’m going nowhere. We are one. I love you!” I know Allen said it….and I love his declaration. What I also sense is that it is exactly what the Lord is saying over BOTH of you. I love the unity He is drawing the three of you into–where you and Allen will be one and will abide totally at rest, moving as one with the Lord. You are closer than you think!
Meghan, as you go through all these different situations in your past, know that Yeshua was walking with you every moment of it all…He knew His call on your life and HE was there, either holding you, encouraging you, cheering you on and sometimes just beckoning to you to come to Him to receive His love, peace and anything else that you needed. I pray continued healing and peace and all things being made beautiful by the one who makes us all into His Masterpiece.
Love and blessings,
Christine