First let me apologize because I should have posted an update last week – if only to let you know how the weekend went since you all were praying. So let me start by saying that in general the weekend went well in the sense that I (who really don’t like playing the hostess) was very calm and at ease the bulk of the weekend, which is HUGE for me and I KNOW is a direct answer to your prayers. So thank you 🙂
I’ve sat here staring at the screen for about 20 minutes trying to figure out how to talk about the part of the visit that was awkward and hurtful, but I don’t know how – so I just ask that you pray being led by the Spirit…
Mortgage
My other praise report is a huge one for me. It looks like God’s just shown how He’s going to move a financial mountain for us. I shared a little about our financial situation a few weeks back, and in there I said it was literally a financial miracle we are still in our home, what I didn’t say was that in the last 2 years four times we’ve been within a few days of them starting the foreclosure process when we were supplied with funds to pay, and once (this time last year) they did begin foreclosure on us.
During that time God told us we weren’t leaving and not to act that He would act on our behalf. So we waited. One night in prayer I asked God how much we would need to fix this (because you can pay the past due amount plus legal fees at anytime up to the auction to stop the process), God told me an amount and it was an accurate dollar amount though it didn’t include the .72 cents change. God provided the money and we were able to pay it off with ONE DAY to spare.
Well last Friday night, I received a letter they had begun foreclosure on us again. I’d known it was coming, but God had given us a number of words leading up to this that again we were not to act but that He would act on our behalf. Despite these words, I was still struggling after we received the notification as I’m sure you can understand.
Gratefully, Amanda E and I had been provided some time alone by God. She prayed for me (which I recorded) and in her prayer she said she sensed that not only was God saying we were not going to lose the house, but that this constant threat of foreclosure was not going to happen anymore. No more.
On Friday of this week – exactly one week later – God put it on someone’s heart to give us a loan (the kind where it’s like “pay it back whenever you can even if it’s 10 years from now”) that will get us current with our mortgage and put us in a position where we should be able to be paying on time from here on. This is HUGE! Something that has seemed an impossibility without me working back in corporate america. This feels like a VERY clear confirmation that I am to stay in full-time ministry, which is what I’d sensed Him saying. I am truly in awe of Him – He is SO good.
Your prayers for wisdom over how this loan should be done and prayer covering the whole process would be appreciated. I hope to begin the contact with the lawyers/mortgage company tomorrow.
Depression
Given the incredible praise report one would think I would be walking on cloud nine, but in truth the reason you haven’t heard from me is because I’ve been struggling a deep depression. I believe is largely hormonal (sorry to be graphic, but it’s honest so hopefully it’s not offensive), but in the moment it feels very strong and very real. For days I’ve been virtually non-functional. Initially I blew it off as simply needing rest after a VERY full weekend last weekend, but as the week progressed it got worse and deeper.
This has kept me from being able to accomplish anything, which is bad because I have orders here that need to go out and others waiting to be dyed, and I’ve avoided having my conversation with JI ending any business connections (continued prayer on that appreciated too). It’s been so bad that I wasn’t even able to post here for you… thus the delay.
Anyhow, I would VERY much appreciate your prayers on for me in this area…
Thank you all SO much – as I say so often (and mean it every time), I SO appreciate you and pray God multiply blessings back on each of you!
I just wanted to make the comment that I do NOT take my obligation to pay the mortgage lightly. Following God’s instructions in this season has at times felt excruciating. But what I’ve learned is that God has NO problems breaking our idea of what box He should function within… that includes tying Him to man’s deadlines. I would NEVER encourage anyone to just quit their job and expect God to cover the bills, they key here is being obedient to what He says. We’ve tried to align ourselves with His instructions and we see the fruit and trust that’s confirmation.
Hopefully that makes sense! But if any of you have concerns about what I’ve shared or feel I am in need of correction, I welcome your insight and wisdom.
Bless you!
To start off I just want you to know that you are so loved!! I pray blessing of Finances over your home, I pray for rest and Peace. I pray for all depression to be GONE in the name of Jesus. In Jesus name, Amen.
I know that we are not to worried and get stressed over things. But sometimes it is so hard. We to struggle with things, with Dan not having a job, it is hard at times. I Pray and hand it over to God and I am learning everyday to Trust in him.
You are prscious Meghan and I love you.
Meghan,
Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!!! Blessings:) Sometimes right after a blessing, we can feel kicked in the back, which takes our focus to a source of pain. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy: our well-being, security, emtotions, family, ministry, hope; anything. I sense a oppressive picture of a runaway stagecoach with two horses. A picture of raging hormones out of control and without a driver. Wreaking havoc. This is a lie. Jesus has the reigns and is in control of you and your life. His blood covers you. I sense the enemy’s strategy is to pull you away and down, because he is a liar. The scripture about confessing to one another and we will be healed is coming to mind! I pray for the downtrodden and beaten down emotions that are fueled by hormones and any source that is out of balance be restored in Jesus’ name. Raging, relentless, pressing pulling away from Jesus and truth be bound in Jesus’ name and with the sword of the Spirit, I cut you free in Jesus’ name. The oppressor stands far off but warfare is raging. By the Blood of Jesus and in Jesus’ name, all satanic assignments are canceled, bound and broken. Complete submission to You, Abba. Please, Father, post guards, as the wall needs to be constructed. The work You have called her to do needs momentum. Praise and rest in our LORD; washing in the Word and worshing the King of kings drives the enemy away. Sensing the LORD restoring what has been stolen and gently tending to you; breathing His wholeness over you. Seeing horses grazing in an open pasture and the LORD is in your midst.
I love you Meghan and no weapon formed against you shall prosper or any lying tongue come against you . You are covered by the blood of the lamb and wrapped in the arms of Jesus. Lord fill Meghan to overflowing with your holy spirit and Holy presence. I pray a hedge of protection around her and Allen. Your steps are ordered of the Lord and HE goes before you preparing the way of provision. This is the beginning of your ministry and God is preparing you for what is to come. You have walked in obedience everything God has asked of you. To whom I give much I require much. You have been given a ministry where my spirit and anointing goes before you with each ministry blessing you create. My hands work with your hands as you do each scarf. The captives are being set free as you send out to others my handywork. If God be for you no man or lying tongue can stand in the presence of a Holy God and will fall dead to the groung. My angels are being sent out on your behalf to do warfare and protection to you and your family. I hold you in the right hand of my righteousness. Healing balm of my salve is falling on you and healing you and bringing restoration. I am preparing you for greater ministry that is coming and you will not lack or have needs I your God and King will meet them all. I am putting in order everything I have ordained from the foundations of the earth. I knew you before you were formed in your mothers womb. Rise up and sing daughter of Zion for my joy is coming upon you to give you laughter and peace in a way you have never known. My love covers you this day and new strength I give you.
Amen, Amen, Amen! Love you sister, I’ve been and am at this place you find yourself! He has you and you know it, keep your eyes on Him. You will not be put to shame.
So this is why you have been on my heart all week. Ditto to what Tami says…YOU ARE SO LOVED!!! Praise the Lord for His miraculous provision for your mortgage. God is good.
Lord, your word says that you are the lifter of our head and the keeper of our countenance.
I ask right now that you place your hand gently under Meghan’s chin and lift her face to be in direct line with your face so that all she sees right now is the loving gentle tender eyes of her Father God. I ask that your presence be so thick upon her that she is broken before you, where she is safe to be. I ask that you send your warring angels to surround her to fight the enemy on her behalf. She is a weary warrior. Lift her, undergird her, strengthen her, encourage her, comfort her, energize her. Be today her all in all. Let her see the light grow brighter and bigger today. Cause the darkness to fall away and the fog to lift Jesus. Shine forth in her world today. Put a new song, a song of renewal, in her heart today. Plant a new promise in her heart today. Speak loud to her today.
And we say NO MORE to depression! NO MORE to fear! NO MORE to anxiety! NO MORE condemnation! NO MORE to lies and attacks! NO MORE!!! For you, Lord, have given Meghan power, love, and a sound mind! Meghan is MORE than a conqueror through Christ who loves her! You always lead her in triumph through Christ! If God be for her who can come against her! She shall see the salvation of the Lord in the land of the living! All God’s promises are yes and amen to Meghan, who believes! Greater is He that is in Meghan than he that is in the world! You have put all things under her feet!
No matter where you are today and how you feel today, Meghan, remember you are MIGHTY in Christ. THAT is the truth. It is okay to be where you are. Just don’t lose sight of WHO you are.
I’ve been down as well. I’ve not felt like this season is an attack as much as I’ve felt it to be a test. An opportunity to respond like Jesus when the situation literally calls for complaining;) So, I’m praying for US!
Amen, Amen and Thank you Lord! Lord, I agree with all my sisters. Thank you for that joy that only you can give! Thank you for your peace that passes ALL understanding. Thank you that “You’ve got this.” I am humbled to be your child, Abba because you are SO awesome and loving to me and to all your children who seek you.
Meghan, He is going to continue to reward you because you seek His face–you seek His presence. You have touched His heart! 🙂 He is a rewarder to those who diligently seek Him! I love the concept of seeking His face but not necessarily His hand. When we truly just seek Him, then He is so touched that He pours out His blessings.
I am coming to this so long after the fact yet I want to say ~ Meghan, I just LOVE your transparency and honesty. Love, love, love ~ my eyes misted over quite a bit as I read ~ as much for the sense of the pain you were in at the time as well as the willingness and humility to lay it out there, as the Word says we ought.
What came to me when I read the first line of Melijen’s comment “sometimes after a blessing we can feel kicked in the back” was ~ Elijah immediately following his absolute triumph at Mt. Carmel.
Selah
Haven’t you always wondered how such a powerful man of God could be used so very mightily and then in the next few verses be so very human?
It’s a big thing you experienced and I believe there is a teaching & growth step in the depression as much as in the financial victory. (I’m smiling only because I know it’s a tough one in a sense ~ you have to get you all the way out of the way to hear Abba’s voice ~ and undoubtedly He will not come in a way you have heard before).
Smiling with tender love ~
@Roslyn – Thank you – I confess sometimes it’s hard to be quite so transparent 🙂 I feel like people will reject or be critical, then I remember I have made Him Lord of my whole life… good and bad, to use it for His glory.
Bless you 🙂